Jack Donaghy has loved many women during his tenure at 30 Rock. Not all of them are created equal. Herewith is an ordered list from worst to first.
There’s a saying about 30 Rock guest stars: the more famous they are, the crappier their appearance on the show. And too true here! Elisa should have worked—if you listen to the content of her lines, they’re all pretty hilarious—but there’s something about Salma Hayek’s slow-paced delivery that made everything unfunny. The most excruciating part was that they kept her on the show for so long.
5. Nancy Donovan
GAH at so many things. The terrible Boston accent! The jarring asides about children!
Ah Phoebe: she of the avian bone syndrome. So beautifully crazy. I really wished she could have stayed longer: all her double-dealing and psychosis could have added up to something great. Also we never did learn the mystery behind the crazy American accent that emerged when Phoebe got angry.
Hair pulling; condescension; mastery of Donaghy-esque power moves. Plus: “Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar!” Brilliant.
2. Celeste “CC” Cunningham
The forbidden fruit, CC was smart, morally upright, and had a tremendous backstory. Shot in the face by a dog! Plus the political conflict was fantastic. “She’s my liberal, hippy-dippy mama; my groovy chick; my old lady.”
1. Avery Jessup
Who knew that the best match for Jack would be MORE Jack? Avery’s like a younger, souped-up female version of our favourite GE vice-president, and like the iPad, the amped-up aggressive conservatism she brings to their relationship is both magical and revolutionary. It’s abominable that the show made Nancy Donaghy compete with her for Jack’s affections throughout season four. There was no competition! Avery Jessup and the Hot Box, all the way.
Side note: is it not strange that Jack Donaghy & Avery are now having a baby, which is essentially Liz Lemon’s dream?