JHENIFER PABILLANO

The king of Scrabble is obviously the iPad. I discovered this when I was trying the Scrabble app in two-player mode and realized it included a “Best Word” button that automatically picks the highest scoring word for you. I hit the button repeatedly and that’s when I realized the iPad is a terrifying Scrabble opponent. Just look at the board! VAKIL! ARGOTIC! And the top turn was “RENEGED,” which uses all seven tiles and includes FOUR two-letter words for a score of 72. Thank God the button cuts out after eight turns or so, or else no human would ever have a chance against it. Or a shred of dignity left.

(Also, the Best Word button is a weird option and it’s odd that you can’t turn it off as a default. I mean, why on earth would anyone do anything for their turn but hit the Best Word button? Obviously the computer’s going to know better than you. As well, in “party mode” where you use your iPhone/iPod Touch as a tile rack, it gives you the option of looking up possible words from your letters in the Merriam Webster Dictionary to see if they are valid. You can’t turn that option off either, which is again kind of odd.)

Jack Donaghy has loved many women during his tenure at 30 Rock. Not all of them are created equal. Herewith is an ordered list from worst to first.

6. Elisa

There’s a saying about 30 Rock guest stars: the more famous they are, the crappier their appearance on the show. And too true here! Elisa should have worked—if you listen to the content of her lines, they’re all pretty hilarious—but there’s something about Salma Hayek’s slow-paced delivery that made everything unfunny. The most excruciating part was that they kept her on the show for so long.

5. Nancy Donovan

GAH at so many things. The terrible Boston accent! The jarring asides about children!

4. Phoebe

Ah Phoebe: she of the avian bone syndrome. So beautifully crazy. I really wished she could have stayed longer: all her double-dealing and psychosis could have added up to something great. Also we never did learn the mystery behind the crazy American accent that emerged when Phoebe got angry.

3. Bianca

Hair pulling; condescension; mastery of Donaghy-esque power moves. Plus: “Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar!” Brilliant.

2. Celeste “CC” Cunningham

The forbidden fruit, CC was smart, morally upright, and had a tremendous backstory. Shot in the face by a dog! Plus the political conflict was fantastic. “She’s my liberal, hippy-dippy mama; my groovy chick; my old lady.”

1. Avery Jessup

Who knew that the best match for Jack would be MORE Jack? Avery’s like a younger, souped-up female version of our favourite GE vice-president, and like the iPad, the amped-up aggressive conservatism she brings to their relationship is both magical and revolutionary. It’s abominable that the show made Nancy Donaghy compete with her for Jack’s affections throughout season four. There was no competition! Avery Jessup and the Hot Box, all the way.

Side note: is it not strange that Jack Donaghy & Avery are now having a baby, which is essentially Liz Lemon’s dream?

This is me at the FutureSex/LoveParty held last weekend.

Some explanation is in order. Once upon a time I dreamed of having a Justin Timberlake party. Well, to be more specific, I accidentally dressed like JT while on a transatlantic flight and thought, “If it’s this easy to dress like Mr. JT, wouldn’t it be easy and fun to get lots of people to do the same?” So the idea of a FutureSex/LoveParty was born, and this party was held last weekend at our humble apartment as a housewarming.

Here I’ve posted a small a taste of what went down…

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Saw this in the neighbourhood in April.

Lame! See, this is why I don’t blog!

However, I am keeping the blog around just in case I actually have some updates to tell you. Like that I have a blog now. Here it is!